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"If only this article had a headline demeaning my intelligence..."
I really love my new job. I hang around with kids all day and I just try to make sure they have fun, don’t hurt themselves, and hopefully learn something. It’s incredibly rewarding and it’s a ton of fun. The unfortunate thing is, my job ends at the end of October. That’s just when our season’s over, and there’s nothing I can do about it. So, I’ve got to start getting ready to go job hunting soon. Luckily, I think I’ve found the new great career for me: headline writer.
I’m not trying to buck the system here. I want to do as good a job as all the great headline writers out there. So I’m doing my research. I think it’ll be a great exercise for me to take a look at how the pros do it, then maybe I’ll be ready to take a shot at it myself!
First off is this story from The Sacramento Bee. The story is about breast feeding, mostly about one woman who was having trouble getting her child to nurse, and then how she called in a breast milk consultant who helped her out by showing what the baby was allergic to, which the mother should avoid to keep the baby from throwing up right after drinking the mother’s milk. Then, the article talked about some of the health benefits of breast milk over formula. The article’s title? “Mother’s milk can help keep children lean.” It’s important that the headline of this article mentions kids being lean, because that comes up in at least two sentences in the entire article. Don’t forget, TQM (I’m talking to myself here, if you don’t mind reading my notes) – it’s not always about what the article’s actually about. Sometimes, the headline is just about pulling out an insignificant detail and blowing it out of proportion!
The next article is from USA today. The article is about how a folklorist took the recent discovery of an unknown hominid, perhaps our third fellow human species (alongside Neanderthals and Homo Floresiensis) and linked it to Grecian legends from the historian Herodotus about “wild men” who fought griffins. Never mind, of course, that Herodotus was writing between 25 and 35 thousand years after these other hominids had probably died out, no reason not to link the two, right? What’s the headline here? “Ancient legends once walked among early humans?” The question mark is important because the answer is obviously “no!”
Finally, we have this fantastically balanced article from Fox News all about the Joe Barton apology to BP, and the political reaction to it. The article is about how Joe Barton said a really stupid thing to the head of BP, and how the Democrats decided to do what anyone would do in a moment where your political rivals showed a weakness and capitalize on it. What should this article be titled? “Barton Apology to BP Turns Oil Spill Into Political Football.” Yes! A sports analogy! Because Barton obviously “fumbled” and now the Democrats are “running the ball” down to the “end zone.” Because Americans understand sports better than politics, and when you’re writing a balanced article, you don’t want to say something like “Democrats capitalize on Barton’s gaff,” you know, something silly that would actually describe the situation.
Anyway, thanks a lot for indulging me on this one guys. I feel way more ready to assault the media world with my catchy headlines now that I know the rules. Focus on the insignificant but eye catching details, pose questions with obvious answers to anyone with a brain, and always make sure to use a demean your audience with an unnecessarily simplified analogy. New career, here I come!
